Friday, 29 October 2010

Hayy. I'm making perfect illusions about things lately. Last night I slept like.. 2:00 in the morning because I kept thinking. Imagining things that are supposed to happen if all of us are still together and the pieces of the broken glass are still one. Hayy, I'm also pondering about this stuff like, what my mistakes were, the stupid things i've done and all that. After much time of thinking luckily I was able to come up with my little conclusion about what's happening and this sadness that's slowly swallowing the me. I'm such an emotional freak. just forget it!

Yesterday, Err. Well, I always dream lately and I don't know what these dreams are trying to tell me. Oh well, yeah. Once again ,today is our last day of gerak gempur, there are no much school stuffies lately because school is currently boring as hell. :) and We have no classes lately. Thank you very much. I. Hayy. That would be great hahaha :) macam nie ke calon spm -,-

Thursday, 28 October 2010

Sorry guys for neglecting my blog for so long time.
Looking back,alot of things have been changed,the memories really kills me lots seriously ,it still can make me like super duper emo i dislike to being so emo but it seem like so hard to let me do so o be truth,i'm just try to pretend that i'm so happy,but inside who knows nobody but myself im just act nothing in front of ppl i dun wanna to have a secret crush on somebodyAnd i shouldnt also i'm sorry, yesterday night a sumthing happened on me i couldn't express the feeling in words im crying like a baby girl in the night bt nobody knows i know i'm very useless but i cant control my tears to drop down i din't sleep the whole night,dont ask me what happend on me,i choose to be quiet and just keep in my heart,i dunno me think so much or what urghhh whatever lah i giveup! i m just so tired of it now,Sometimes,i do feel myself are too annoying i'm so called lost Could someone lend me the right way?! Goshhh it crash my mind and i was thinking should i let it go now,no one can understand me as well ishhhh can my mind stop to think the rubbish thing syuhada forget about it things gonna be alrite after,right?!i should think positive okay ermm can i?i wish i can do it AMIN

Sunday, 24 October 2010

huhuhu okay semalam dah promisekan nak study? alala sorrylah tertitbe terasa nak ikut pergi melaka pulak heh. tak lah seronok sangat pergi bukan untuk berjalan tapi berhajat heh. Okay yop nak kawin but saya pening bulan berapakan sebenarnya?? ermm Spm nak dekat tapi saya rase spm nie saya menjelajah terenggau+melaka huh good job syuhada spm bawah 30hari lagi tapi awak berjalan sakan, Tawakal sajalah macam mana nanti. Erm tapi saya tetap nak pergi jugak yop kawin sebab dapat makan besar malam-malam and lepak dengan saudara mara uuuu bestnyee :D chik nai ajak duduk melaka after spm -,,- kerja sana teman chik ha ha ha nak ke?sedang di pertimbangkan haha rase macam best tapi.... tak dapat nak enjoy sangat le saya kalau duduk sane heh.

Saturday, 23 October 2010

This is hard to say, but I don’t think I realized how much people affected me until today. On my actions and my mind set. I am holding on by a thread and not one single person has picked that up. Not one. I guess I am good at acting. Because I have not been happy, since as long as I can remember. Things have always caused pain. Sadness. I am barely hanging on. Barely. But I can’t snap. I have to stay. I am begging someone to help me stay. I’ve told two people nearly everything. I don’t think either one of them cried that day last fall. I’m sure they cared. But not one of them knew why I was telling them. I wanted guidance. Not apologies for something you had nothing to do with. Everything in my life was messed up. Everything. You knew- and you still do. I want to tell one more person everything. Not nearly everything, but everything. But I am still too hesitant. I read a book. It has a lot to do with how I am feeling. It has a lot to do with the fact that no one has helped the way they should have. No, not by telling. But by being there more than you were once before. I don’t even know what happiness is anymore. But I know that when I am with the three people I have mentioned in this blog, I am more often than not feeling the spark of joy. The thought of having those people, satisfies me. I love them, more than they know. But I can’t be let down once more and there is more than one way to let me down in this situation. Thoughts have to be played out perfectly. You couldn’t say a word to anyone. Not one. But it’s not possible. I can’t do it anyway.

what i suppose to do now is study yet ,sitting here writing this down hehehe starting from this day on! i will not on9 facebook,or edit pictures,or snap pictures or whatever yang boleh melalaikan saya hahaha ceeh do you believe on me?haha i dont think so sebab saya sendiri tak percaya dengan diri saya malah sekarang berkata i'll not online? hahaha booo liar :D hehe btw exam is on the 23th of november till err hmm i'm not so sure when heh mayb 13 september. I really have got to work my butt's off. I'm sure, math science history won't be nice to me this spm :( tolerance.. under40 for sure. dad would be so angry if he finds out that i haven't been studying, geez that's kinda scary. okayy i have got to start studying by tomorrow, i promise i'll study, real soon. Which i doubt :P Anyways, i've just got back from m
uiz's house petang tadi. kakak dia kahwin, i was invited. then after salam2 dgn mak muiz pehh tunggu lagi makan lee hehe it was fun sebab dapat makan! haha actly mak tak masak tgh hari :p.

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Masa itu emas? yes that right tapi kenapa saya masih tidak sedar-sedar lagi yang SPM itu tinggal lagi berapa hari saje? uhhh am so disappointed with my bad attitude,
I want to delete everything I have of us. Everything that reminds me of how we use to be. All the memories that used to make me so happy. Then maybe I won’t have anything to compare what we have now versus what we had then, because I think that’s what’s killing me. Not that there’s much to delete anyways. In our nearly 8 months together we barely have any pictures, and I really don’t have much from you in my “memory box” but that was okay with me because I didn’t need pictures or materials to feel like you loved me. You showed it to me, you told me everyday; I felt it deep inside my heart.

Sunday, 17 October 2010

today am going to bird park kuala lumpur we had so much fun! we? okay i mean mak , kak long, irfan me and especially the birthday girl! taraaaa humairah hahah yes the cute one :D huhu i really get tired but it's fun hehe banyak gile burung! burung besar kecik ape entah semua ada haha actually my sister worked at bird park so masuk pun free lah boss die bagi hehe baikkan :D okay the first thing teruje tengok kakak sendiri buat show haha i mean bird show speaking dahsyat hahaha adik pun hancur then dapat cmre pun last minute dpt tggp gambar sikit je huuuuu after jalan-jalan smue kak ngah belanje makan dekat hornbill restoran makaii sumpah mahal sate 10 cucuk pun dah 22ringgit haha but kak ngah belanjekan bedal je thanks kak ngah :D

Saturday, 16 October 2010

i wrote this for you! you? who? errr entah i don't know :D

I still miss you. I’ve tried hating you, distancing myself from you, being nothing with you. It didn’t do anything but make things worse. Not being able to be around you or talk to you just made me miss you more. I wish I never did say I hate you; everyone’s right about how strong that word is. You bruised me and it’s unfair that I’m the only one still hurting while you’re not. I wish we were both okay. I’m glad that you’re happy, but I’m angry that you’re still haunting my thoughts. It’s been over a year and it’s still hard. We hadn’t even been together for that long and you still have that impact on me. I hate that I went out with you and gave you a second chance; I should’ve followed my instincts. Maybe we could’ve been friends. I’m sorry that all I did was spread my hatred of you but I don’t hate you and it didn’t help me get over you by saying how much I hated you. It’s okay that you moved on; it’s just me. I don’t want to like you, I don’t want to miss you. I want to be friends but the most we’ll ever be is nothing. I’m scared to ever tell you this because I’m scared you won’t even talk to me. I’m scared you’ll tell her cause all everyone knows is that I hate you. I’m scared that you deleted my number. Although you told me you missed me once. I’m scared you’re not as understanding as me. Maybe it’s just best for me to keep things the way they are now and be a complete stranger. I regret telling you that there was nothing wrong with me although there was a lot on my mind, I regret not speaking up when you made me angry cause all I wanted was to be a perfect couple, but you made it and I remembered when we were together that’s all I ever wanted you to do for me. To fix your life. And I wanted to be there to help you make things better. In a week, I probably won’t ever see you again. I wish something so good never ended this way and it hurts that things won’t ever be okay between us.

Why do I feel like this right now? :| It’s like I’m gonna lose something important sooner or later…

It’s like my heart’s shrinking and being squeezed. It’s like something heavy is hanging on my chest.

Is my heart aching? I have no idea. If it’s aching, why is it aching? Nothing even happened yet. Hay. I’m too abnormal, sorry. I just hope nothing happens…

wootwoot hoho this is my cat e-work hahah okay sumpah kucing saya nie sangat tersangat hyper huh betina perangai macam jantan! huh but i've one more cat odie dah tua dah gambar die entah letak kat mana haha
yeah today is another boring day for me i wakeup early today and spent the whole day at home doing nothing except eating n sleeping omaigad sedahkan rasenya boleh mati kebosanan saya dirumah nie :D

okay mom said cukup bulan awak ambil lesan, dalam hati saya rasa tersangat sangatlah gembira hehe actually baru semalam saya belajar bawak kereta huh first time i drive i feel so nervour haha but i get it! i get it! hahah seriously saya rase sangat sangat sangat happy gile but nasib baik tak terlanggar kereta orang haha sumpah cuak time tuh huhu biasalah remaja zaman sekarang terpengaruh dengan rakan-rakan termasuklah saya tapi xkesahlah saya memang nak lesan kereta jugak senang nak keluar sane sini. Tak payah naik bas teksi semua tuh lagi haha penat! yahooooo ! :D

huhu My Little Girl Humairah is Turning One, Humairah makcik love you alot! alot and alot! haha si comel lagi manje geram bila bersama, bila dah jumpe tapi malas nak layan sebab hyper gile taklarat nak menjage dia haha but today is your special day humairah so nak apa cakap sahaja makcik awak akan melayan okay cepat-cepat jalan hehe lovelovelove you so much! :)

huh Yes this is notmy first blog actually ut this is my 3rd or blablabla blog haha i just made the second one yesterday hahah rajin kan huh i tired on wordpress yerterday xpaham langsung ot :D but it seem too complicated lol so i decieded to use blogspot again again and again for my new blog sememangnyaa blogspot dihati hihih okay actly mcm malas sudah nak berblog-blog nie but it's fun right dapat berkongsi pengalaman, suka dan duka dalam blog-blog nie. and now i've new life to share with you guy's hope ini satu perjuangan yang bar dapat hidup saya, dan berharap yang lepas biar lepas bangun dengan peluang yang baru dan jangan sia-siakan peluang ini spm is just around the coner so wish me luck and i'll do the best for myself and family insyaallah. Love